Lamentation
by TheBlueAmethyst
Summary: She sought for renewal, he sought for stability. One of the many conversations between the two tragic lovers, and like the others, it doesn't exactly end well. One-shot!


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Heya there! This fanfic is actually an expanded version of my comment on my friend Ameri Lie's YouTube video titled _Broken_. You can go check it out if you want~! ^^ Also, this was a plot bunny that wouldn't hop away when I'm working on my other stuff, so here it is lol.

 **WARNING:** Heavy spoilers for Secret Endings 1 and 2, and trigger warning due to anxiety attacks, and mentions of paranoia and depression. Reader discretion is extremely advised.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Mystic Messenger, credits to Cheritz.

* * *

 _Did you know?_

 _Spiritually, the color_ _ **mint**_ _represents renewal._

(0)

Those soft, turquoise eyes.

They stared at her blankly, light fading—no thanks to her _despicablehorribleinhumane_ actions, but she knew the mixture of despair and wistfulness in them. They were begging for her to think through her decisions once more and honestly, it was becoming unsettling.

 _Please don't look at me that way._

Rika swallowed hard, forcing herself to put up a calm façade in response to his stony one. They've been locked in this tense gaze for minutes now, sitting on opposite couches from one another and neither of them seemed intent on backing down. Huh. Funny, long ago she would have welcomed this and after a few more seconds, she'd break into a small smile and allow herself to be consoled. Allowed to talk of her growing insecurities while tucked under his arms, listen to his soothing, baritone voice—

 _Not now. Stop._

Waving those thoughts to the back of her mind, the blonde decided to be the one to break the ice. "I won't back down from this V. I won't let you stop me."

Her voice sounded so cold, so hollow, even for her.

That snapped him out of the spell. V shook his head and Rika noted his hand slipping into his pocket, most likely to seek comfort with his smoking pipe. "Rika… you know this won't help and besides, doesn't RFA already adhere to what you want to achieve?" he countered.

"The RFA won't do. What we're doing may give comfort to those who need it but it does not fully address the problem," she said firmly, straightening her posture and hardening her gaze at him in order to hopefully get her point across. "Our actions in the organization simply aren't enough… and this is where Mint Eye comes in."

The teal-haired man exhaled sharply. "Your methods are bordering on illegal, Rika," he said through gritted teeth, unconsciously making her flinch in response. A part of her hurt to hear him sound so pained but nevertheless, she pressed on. She had—no, she wanted to make him understand.

"How so? I am merely convincing people to join the cause and find ways to pathologically refine an individual's senses to simply reject any connotation of ill will. It will establish positive reinforcement through the organization's goals of creating the ideal Paradise. In my eyes, I am simply a guide towards the renewed world," she replied with a raised eyebrow.

V scowled. "This path you're taking sounds more like a dictatorship than anything else. Not only that…" he trailed off, voice cracking. Rika resisted the urge to lash out at him for his words— _I'mnotatyrant_ and waited for him to continue. "Y-you're hiring people specializing in biochemical engineering and mass communication."

"That's true. This is an effort I cannot do on my own so I don't see the harm in finding people to help out. Plus, others volunteered so I don't see what makes you think otherwise. I'm not doing anything wrong," she said, fingers twitching anxiously on top of her lap.

Her fiance's jaw clenched. "You're manipulating people and giving them prescriptions under the guise of 'maintenance drugs', 'vitamins' and 'medicine of salvation'," he spat out that last part in an apprehensive tone, clearly losing patience.

It was a rare sight to see. V would never lose his cool unless it was something that caused distress towards the people he cared about. It was one of his greatest strengths… and weakness.

"Its purpose is exactly that," she quipped, secretly fussing with her dress.

"The ingredients you're using with Saeran suggest otherwise; peyote cactus, methanol, mushrooms… even ayahuasca and opium poppy? His body has noticeably degraded with the number of drugs he's ingesting," he said bitterly. "I'm surprised he even lasted this long…"

At that, she flashed what she felt like a genuine smile, though she felt empty. "His tenacity is admirable. He'll be a promising individual to have within our ranks, especially once he starts his lessons."

"You didn't have to involve him." V gripped his cane tightly, tone harsher than before.

"His role is vital to Paradise's future," the blonde snarled. Her patience was growing thin with his constant rebuttals.

"This isn't what we promised Luciel," he retorted.

"He is _safe_ , like we promised him," she easily replied. "Saeran will simply undergo training so future plans—"

"Rika… this future you speak is still possible with the RFA." His voice was rising with every word, obviously struggling to remain calm. "If you'd like, we could pursue deals with the hospitals so they can back us up with the rehabilitation center you once proposed."

The ex-party coordinator shook her head. "And like I said before, it won't be enough. I need to monitor progress and it's uncertain whether or not corruption with the business we're aligning with is non-existent."

"Do you really want to take matters into your own hands?" the teal-haired man questioned in disbelief.

"Yes." She answered without any hint of hesitation, mirth steadily growing in her voice. "I realized that after Sally died… suffering is the cost of inaction, and so I shall be the one to take action. I will save everyone, to pave way to a new world. I will be their Savior."

"You can't force change upon anyone Rika," he said gently with a hint of exasperation, like a mother chiding their child over a borderline ridiculous decision.

She took a moment to assess him again, searching his expressive face. His whole being practically radiated weariness but all in all, she was failing in convincing him that what she was doing was right. _You really are stubborn, Jihyun._ "It seems to me that no matter what I say, you won't take my side on this."

"Please, Rika… won't you reconsider?" he leaned forward, blinded eyes desperate with their plea. "You're letting your condition cloud your judgement."

She scoffed. "I really should've expected that you wouldn't see my progress. I'm liberated, V." _More lies_ — _no, I am **fine**. I have to be._

"This isn't you. You're not thinking straight. Can't you see that this path you're taking will lead to harm?"

She furrowed her brows at him. "Answer me this then, is the RFA more important than me?"

His eyes widened, mouth gaping but no sound coming out of them. He looked conflicted and Rika knew that she was really crossing the line with that question. And yet… his silence was her confirmation. If the man she had trusted her secrets with decided to choose them, then so be it. It was still understandable after all, it was part of his morals and beliefs to keep other people out of harm's way and he was a man one could consider to have their heart worn on their sleeves. Just the cold fact that he saw her plans as something harmful supported that reasoning.

It didn't make the pain any less bearable though. _Do you see? He just lied to you. He never really cared, and what do you get for thinking otherwise? **Betrayal** , that's what, you mindless idiot. _Her heart stung and she barely kept her composure by sighing out loud, almost shakily.

"I guess… that settles it then. No amount of persuading will get you to see my line of thinking," she uttered in a monotone.

"R-Rika—"

"This means that you and I are over, V," she abruptly cut him off, causing him to emit a choking noise. "We'll be going our separate ways, you with the RFA and me with Mint Eye."

"W-wait…!" he gasped, suddenly standing up and nearly knocking his mug off the coffee table.

"It's a shame to be honest but, I should have really expected that you wouldn't understand me because of my enlightenment. I should take my leave then. I'll return to gather my belongings another day, in the meantime, I'll be taking any leftover documents from the apartment."

 _Do something, V, don't just stare at me. Please, say something! Stop me, hug me, kiss me, contradict me, yell at me—anything!_

"Oh and…" the ex-party coordinator hesitated for a split second before she slipped the engagement ring off of her dainty finger. V watched her place it on the table with a soft _clink,_ expression distraught and hands shaking. "I don't need it anymore."

 _Lieslieslies!_

The photographer blinked, lips quivering as he spoke. "K-keep it. You… you still need it."

Her confusion must have been evident because he appeared to be torn between approaching her and staying where he was.

"You're crying," he finally said.

Her hands instantly shot up to her face. Her cheeks were moist and oh, her vision was beginning to blur. Her heart was racing at the raging emotions in the pit of her stomach and without thinking, she grabbed the ring again. "I-I should go."

She didn't wait for him to say anything as she dashed out of the studio apartment with her purse flapping wildly, ignoring his eventual calls of her name. Rika held back a strangled sob, one thing consuming her train-wreck of a mind.

 _I'm so stupid._

She heard the faintly quickening footfalls behind her, and she quickly turned a corner to the elevator where a tenant had conveniently just boarded off. The blonde hastened and barely slipped through the closing doors, taking a quick glimpse at the empty hall she left and spamming the button for the ground floor. Once she felt the elevator move downwards, Rika slipped to the floor, hugging herself. Her golden hair curtained her tear-stained face and her fingers dug into her arms in an effort to stop herself from hyperventilating.

 _Idiot! He probably thinks you're pathetic._

 _No, you have to stay calm. **Stay calm.**_

 _HE'S A TRAITOR._

 _What have you done?_

 _You're disgusting._

 _Disappointing bitch!_

She dry heaved and slumped to the floor, feeling the black spots dotting her vision. Her lungs burned, and every breath was like sucking in scalding water.

 _ **PLEASE.**_

 _why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?_

 _Worthless. Useless. Loser._

 _can'tbreathe_

"M-m-make… i-i-t… s-stop… !" she wailed, strength leaving her like everything else in her life.

 _Die already._

 _You are nothing._

 _helpme **Jihyun**_

 _Hebetrayedyou_

 _ **STOP.**_

Rika barely noticed someone hovering over her, voice urgent. "Ma'am..? You… stay… breathe…" she registered the words slowly in the chaos, and shadows danced in front of her.

 _ **PLEASE CALM DOWN.**_

 _You can't even control yourself, how useless are you? Inconveniencing other people like that._

 _That's why V **abandoned** you._

 _whyareyoulikethis?_

 _ **I AM NOT USELESS. I'M GOING TO SAVE PEOPLE.**_

 _You can't even save yourself._

 _So can't you just **die** already?_

 _Pathetic_

 _Idon'twantthisanymore_

She didn't know how much time she spent lying there _likethepathetictrashsheis_ but eventually, her breathing ceased to sound as if she swallowed gravel and sand, turning into soft whimpers. Her eyes were clearing and she could hear a few people gathered around the mess that was her curled up form beside a middle-aged security guard, all of them staring in several degrees of sympathy and worry. _Or maybe they're just enjoying the show._ Her mind cackled.

She shut her eyes for a bit, trying to ward off the persistent buzz in her mind. _Just shut up._

"Miss? Are you okay now? Do you need anything?" the security guard asked, adjusting his awkward grip on her shoulder.

"… W-water please," she croaked out in a small voice, sluggishly moving out of her fetal position.

He nodded and ordered another nearby guard to fetch some water, while he proceeded to move her gently to the wall by the elevator. "Do you have an inhaler or…?"

"No, sorry..." she slurred.

"Okay, before my colleague returns with the water, I have to ask if it'll be alright if we call for an ambulance to take you to the hospital. We were about to call one when we noticed you calm down and we had to thin the crowd."

The blonde scanned the congregation through the corner of her eye and thankfully they were now starting to drop in numbers to go about their previously forgotten business. She turned her attention back to the guard, internally thanking God that they didn't call the hospital yet. She didn't want to go there. "I'll b-be alright. I apologize… for c-causing a scene," she stuttered out, head bowed apologetically.

"It's alright, we understand, Miss. Attacks aren't an easy thing to deal with," he said in a melancholic voice that told her he related more than he let on.

She gave him a sad smile. "Y-yeah… "

After a few minutes of idle chitchat (a remarkable tactic for distracting her from her self-destructive thoughts), the other guard—a lanky male of average appearance, handed her a bottle of water. She muttered her thanks before taking slow slips of the cool liquid. Her head was starting to not feel like a bomb had set off by her ears, leaving her disoriented with the balance of a hammered party junkie, and her shallow breathing was becoming even. She silently observed him being told off by the middle-aged man.

"You could have just gone to the employee lounge instead of the cafeteria, you know," the older man said.

The lanky guard flushed. "Sorry Sir Park… I panicked," he admitted in a squeaky voice.

Park sighed. "Well, what's done is done. Just pay attention next time, Song, ok?"

Song nodded vigorously, earning a soft chuckle from her and a snort from the older man. After that, the older guard looked at her with concern. "Miss Rika, are you sure you don't want to inform your friend of what happened? They live on the upper floors, right?"

Her smile slightly faltered. "I… that's…"

Sensing her struggle, the older man held a hand up. "Alright, do you live near here then?"

"Uhm, yes, I live in Nakwon-dong," she said, grateful for the immediate change of subject. "I was actually about to go home when I… well."

The guard made a sound of acknowledgement, throwing his colleague a look before saying: "Song here will give you a lift back to your home then Miss Rika."

She blinked owlishly. "You don't have to."

The lanky guard then stepped forward with an unsure expression, though she could see the determination and sense of chivalry in his gaze. "Miss, let us help you. We can't let you walk in a weakened state right now." He sounded so sure that she couldn't help but stare in wonder. She opened her mouth to respond but Song shyly ducked his head.

"O-of course, unless you want to rest up before going on your own, that is perfectly fine," he stammered, and she swore that she could see pink dusting his cheeks.

The blonde quietly considered the offer before a relaxed grin graced her features. "… I suppose I'll take you up on that."

In the back of her mind, Rika thought that perhaps there was some hope still left in humanity. Maybe… maybe this was a sign. _Are you sure though? Maybe they just want you out of their hair after your embarrassing episode._ She internally sighed, a tiny part of her agreeing with her subconscious. Society bred many a type of people, and these kinds were rare. Corruption of the soul was still possibly within them, but their purity still shined through despite it all…

Perhaps—

A sudden tug on her wrist snapped her back to reality and she found herself being led by an enthusiastic Song, who periodically asked her if she's okay to be walking and she reassured him she was fine. As the older security guard bade them farewell, the ex-party coordinator found an idea forming in her head while she eyed the back of the younger man's head.

 _Maybe I should contact the hospital after all. Through proxy_ —the sudden image of a certain teal-haired man caused her to stagger, breath hitching against her throat. Luckily, her excuse of it being a momentary dizzy spell was readily believed by the guard, and they had resumed their walk to the parking lot. Her friendly face faded as soon as he turned his back once again, darkened eyes steeling in resolve.

 _Mint Eye **will be a reminder** of what I lost to get to my goals._

* * *

*Ayahuasca, opium poppy and peyote cactus are hallucinogenic plants. _**Opium poppy**_ can be processed into opiates (morphine, codeine and heroin), which can induce a sense of euphoria, suppress pain, and alleviate anxiety. _**Peyote**_ can cause visual hallucinations with the side effects of nausea and vomiting, and interestingly enough, is reputed by cultists and some observers to promote ethical and moral behavior among the Native Americans who use it ritually. _**Ayahuasca**_ is said to generate intense spiritual revelations with users reporting a sensation of rebirth and a deeper understanding of themselves. However, users can also experience significant psychological distress and it may induce vomiting and diarrhea. (While peyote cactus is canonically confirmed to be used on Saeran in SE 2, I decided to include the other two to fit in with the idea of extreme brainwashing Rika has done and Saeran's violent mood swings)

*Rika living in Nakwon-dong (within Insadong, Seoul) is headcanon on my part.

 **ADDITIONAL A/N:** This was actually an interesting thing to rewrite, mostly because it kinda serves as a character study for both Rika and V, the former especially. She really is a complicated character for me to dwell on and hopefully, I did their characters justice and they didn't come off as too OOC.

Also, anxiety attacks are a beyotchhhhh. Nuff said.


End file.
